That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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