Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
