he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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