Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
