I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
