were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
