We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
