3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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