I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
