Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize