Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
