I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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