That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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