I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
