dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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