I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we're making bets on your personal life
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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