margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
