My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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