Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize