i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
