I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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