Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
