so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
