Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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