I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
