I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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