So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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