Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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