Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
