Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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