I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
