so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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