Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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