cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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