God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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