I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
