They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
