you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
