Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
