i need an iv and a liver transplant
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
