It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
