I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dicks are not precious.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
