bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
