ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We're too hungover to prance.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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