thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
