Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
