Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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