living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
