she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
