He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
