Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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