He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
