You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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