So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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