hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
