you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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