he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
