The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
