i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
