Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
