and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
