I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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