So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
