I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Bring me that man meat
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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