I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
