i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
