Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
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He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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