oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
