You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
