I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
