im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
