Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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