my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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