I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
