Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
