theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
