do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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