it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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